I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
