the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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