P.S. I can't hear my feet
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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