Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
