Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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