Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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