I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
