I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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