matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
