thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
