Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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