Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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