8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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