I'm so fucking centered right now
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
