You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You took a bar mat shot.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
