Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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