well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
