oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
