Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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