I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
