I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
