Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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