The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
