I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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