It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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