You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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