Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She just used a chaser for red wine.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
