white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
