I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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