Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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