This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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