You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
