Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
