I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
