who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
