You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
