We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
