I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i believe in u and ur pee
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
