I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
