Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
