im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
