her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
