I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You need a sexual gate keeper
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
