hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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