So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
either way he was missing a nipple.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Alive.
So much puke
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sorry about my life...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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