Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize