your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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