Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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