my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
