if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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